So much has happened in the last 9 months. Hubby is jobless working on his college which is fantastic because he will be done in 11 weeks ( not counting at ALL). Logan grew into a man, seriously he is like 5'8 where is my BABY??!!. Zoe and Chloe rocked the swim team this year, going all the way to regional's!! My dad?....oh ya he's been in and out and up and down and just as grumpy as ever. Me ya me? I've been over stressed, under paid, and trying to make ends meet for 9 months now! It's old its very very old. We took Logan off his meds for the summer to help make the ends meet a little better but in the end i think it just made my brain break off into separate worlds :)
I know there is so much debate over whether or not it is a good or bad thing to do. I never wanted Logan on meds to start with! Is it nice to have him be able to sit still and not talk for 5 minutes? Sure! but you miss so much of Logan's true identity and hilarity and knowledge that you almost miss out on Logan. Besides all that I really want him to learn the difference in being in control and out of control so that he can learn to manage it. I mean after all this child is not living with me forever. He did take his meds when he went to his different camps... I am not foolish enough to believe that because we can handle a non medicate Logan that everyone else can too.
The biggest step for all of us this summer was letting Logan go to Mountain Camp, it is a week long youth camp ( for church) in Colorado and there is a 14 hours bus ride there and back. Can I just tell you I was slightly on edge, not sure he was going at all, and almost had the child micro-chipped for GPS tracking??!! I almost lost my mind trying to make up my mind if he should go!! Hubby said No way straight out of the gate. he cannot handle the ride, he is going to wander, what he melts down? Oh ya it was rough!! But, by God's grace and the love of our church we all survived. seriously by GOD'S GRACE. He had a wonderful time, every loved having him around, he learned so much about himself and others, and that boy has a knowledge of God that is unlike any other. The way he speaks about Christianity and how honestly he prays is inspiring! It truly touches your soul. This summer in Colorado...everyone got to see that. We are so blessed.
Logan's dad has been home with him all summer which I honestly believe has done more socially for that child than any other treatment he has ever had. Both he and his dad have learned so much this summer. Logan is reaching out more, being more social??!! and leaving fear behind. It is almost like he has let go of all tags, labels, and sees nothing but blue sky and sun shine. That is a gift I will never stop loving.
As the twins turn in to teenagers ( rolling eyes, attitude, ma ma ma talking back, and cannot been seen with me with friends around) I secretly love embarrassing them, I think we all do, it's a right of passage, for both!
But I will lose tough with them for a while, I am becoming, stupid, and not cool, and unfair, in their eyes. But Logan, ahhh Logan I can still go out to lunch with him and he WANTS to hold my hand, he WANTS to sit next to me, he even gives me kisses on the cheek IN PUBLIC! I thought he would be a typical teenager, dreamt maybe more like it. He's not, he wont ever be. It makes me sad yet gives me hope at the same time. Hope that he wont fall into the male macho traps that others do. Hope that peer pressures wont be the same for him. Makes me sad because he will never be a normal kid but I'm OK with that. At least that is what I keep saying. I love him more than any human can love another human. I love him differently than my girls not more...that's not fair to say, just differently. I love with a different heart for him, that is something only a parent or Grand with NT and special needs kids can understand.
Now we are gearing up for school again, the girls are totally hyper about it and Logan kinda cares less. which is typical for him. so.... until next week after day 2 of school happy blogging bloggers!
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