So much has happened in the last 9 months. Hubby is jobless working on his college which is fantastic because he will be done in 11 weeks ( not counting at ALL). Logan grew into a man, seriously he is like 5'8 where is my BABY??!!. Zoe and Chloe rocked the swim team this year, going all the way to regional's!! My dad?....oh ya he's been in and out and up and down and just as grumpy as ever. Me ya me? I've been over stressed, under paid, and trying to make ends meet for 9 months now! It's old its very very old. We took Logan off his meds for the summer to help make the ends meet a little better but in the end i think it just made my brain break off into separate worlds :)
I know there is so much debate over whether or not it is a good or bad thing to do. I never wanted Logan on meds to start with! Is it nice to have him be able to sit still and not talk for 5 minutes? Sure! but you miss so much of Logan's true identity and hilarity and knowledge that you almost miss out on Logan. Besides all that I really want him to learn the difference in being in control and out of control so that he can learn to manage it. I mean after all this child is not living with me forever. He did take his meds when he went to his different camps... I am not foolish enough to believe that because we can handle a non medicate Logan that everyone else can too.
The biggest step for all of us this summer was letting Logan go to Mountain Camp, it is a week long youth camp ( for church) in Colorado and there is a 14 hours bus ride there and back. Can I just tell you I was slightly on edge, not sure he was going at all, and almost had the child micro-chipped for GPS tracking??!! I almost lost my mind trying to make up my mind if he should go!! Hubby said No way straight out of the gate. he cannot handle the ride, he is going to wander, what he melts down? Oh ya it was rough!! But, by God's grace and the love of our church we all survived. seriously by GOD'S GRACE. He had a wonderful time, every loved having him around, he learned so much about himself and others, and that boy has a knowledge of God that is unlike any other. The way he speaks about Christianity and how honestly he prays is inspiring! It truly touches your soul. This summer in Colorado...everyone got to see that. We are so blessed.
Logan's dad has been home with him all summer which I honestly believe has done more socially for that child than any other treatment he has ever had. Both he and his dad have learned so much this summer. Logan is reaching out more, being more social??!! and leaving fear behind. It is almost like he has let go of all tags, labels, and sees nothing but blue sky and sun shine. That is a gift I will never stop loving.
As the twins turn in to teenagers ( rolling eyes, attitude, ma ma ma talking back, and cannot been seen with me with friends around) I secretly love embarrassing them, I think we all do, it's a right of passage, for both!
But I will lose tough with them for a while, I am becoming, stupid, and not cool, and unfair, in their eyes. But Logan, ahhh Logan I can still go out to lunch with him and he WANTS to hold my hand, he WANTS to sit next to me, he even gives me kisses on the cheek IN PUBLIC! I thought he would be a typical teenager, dreamt maybe more like it. He's not, he wont ever be. It makes me sad yet gives me hope at the same time. Hope that he wont fall into the male macho traps that others do. Hope that peer pressures wont be the same for him. Makes me sad because he will never be a normal kid but I'm OK with that. At least that is what I keep saying. I love him more than any human can love another human. I love him differently than my girls not more...that's not fair to say, just differently. I love with a different heart for him, that is something only a parent or Grand with NT and special needs kids can understand.
Now we are gearing up for school again, the girls are totally hyper about it and Logan kinda cares less. which is typical for him. so.... until next week after day 2 of school happy blogging bloggers!
Tuesday, August 19, 2014
Monday, November 18, 2013
The great fall retreat
As many of you know that know me and my family personally letting Logan go away on church retreats has been a huge concern of mine. I mean after all they don't know him, they couldn't possibly "get" him. But last year I let him go. I let him go to all of them, the over nighters, the week long get aways, lock-ins...all of it. He did seemingly fairly well. he enjoyed himself and for the most part it was all OK. One or two minor instances of a melt down and calling it quits but he was OK, I was OK.
So fast forward to this school year and he is now in the youth group, which is a fabulous community of boys and girls and the most amazing group of young adults and teachers I have ever seen assembled in one place. They all go everywhere together and do all of the retreats and outings together. So instead of 15 or 30 kids at kids camp its over 100 kids for a fall weekend retreat. It's great the programs they have really inspire our young people to live for God and be better human beings. It is amazing to see them all inter act and how well they all function as a group. Growing up in the church we did all of these things too but it really is amazing to be on this side of it now, with the life long friends I made watching our children love it as much as we did.
All of that being said 100 kids and a Logan is a frightening proposition for any mother of an ASD kid or any ASD kid. Who is going to watch him, who will be his filter? Will he stand alone and not participate, will he alienate himself from the crowd or worse yet will he be alienated. I am blessed that his two cousins attend the same church and are there with him. One is a mother hen who can see trouble and head it off at the pass and the other is so awesome with Logan in the midst of a melt down. I mean really I could not be more blessed to have these two be there with him. But what happens when Logan, in an attempt to "play along" is given free will to do so. It's not good, it's almost tragic, maybe more so for me than him but it is tragic.
The long and short of it is he pied his cousins for his "talent" at their talent show. He named his act "revenge". I was told by others that people laughed, he says it was funny, but I was just a little beyond shocked. It's a mix of feelings really. I am stunned that he would do that, under that title, I am stunned that he did that to his cousins, I am shocked that my 16 year niece who does not let anyone touch her hair, and who had to be lifted and forced on to the stage to do it was not angry, mortified, I dunno fill in the 16 year old hormonal emotion....
He asked me if I was mad and I couldn't really say yes or no. I had to explain to him why I thought it was in bad taste. That is when it gets tragic, Logan does not "get" that what he finds funny can hurt someone else's feelings. He never wants nor intends to cause anyone emotional pain because he knows all to well what it feels like. Logan has a huge heart and only wants to be loved and to love, he doesn't do hurt, he cannot process that. So when I told him my feelings on it he was devastated, a full blown melt down of epic 1 pm to 9 pm proportions of emotional meltdown. I just wanted him to see how it could affect someone and understand that maybe picking the two people who do nothing but help him out maybe weren't the two best people to choose. This whole thing is just tragic I feel bad for him I feel bad for my niece not so much for my nephew he is after all a 12 year old boy who reveled in it I am sure. I think maybe I am over reacting, I think maybe this is not his fault, I just don't really know where I stand on it. He cannot tell me why he just wanted to do it. So did he pick his cousins because he felt the most comfortable with them....probably. Was it funny to outsiders, probably, then why am I so conflicted by this? Did I do the right thing by telling him why maybe it wasn't such a good idea to pie a girl?? I think so
Parenting Logan is so emotional, so much more so than dealing with the twins. With the girls it is... no, this is wrong, this is why, this is what you should do next time, and life goes on. But with Logan there is so much more involved everything is an onion, thin, translucent layers, that must be pealed back and each examined closely before moving on to the next until you reach the center, everything, absolutely everything has to be dealt with like this. I guess maybe today I am tired of it and I know he is tired of it, and if I could l just wave a magic wand and make him see socially what we see, would it be better? Would he still be the Logan that I love and adore or would he be hardened and jaded because he sees the way we do?
I don't know the answer to any of that, I know I owe my niece a shopping trip, maybe lunch and a movie. But, you know what she is so great that he apologized for it and she gave him a hug and said its OK.... She still rocks!
So fast forward to this school year and he is now in the youth group, which is a fabulous community of boys and girls and the most amazing group of young adults and teachers I have ever seen assembled in one place. They all go everywhere together and do all of the retreats and outings together. So instead of 15 or 30 kids at kids camp its over 100 kids for a fall weekend retreat. It's great the programs they have really inspire our young people to live for God and be better human beings. It is amazing to see them all inter act and how well they all function as a group. Growing up in the church we did all of these things too but it really is amazing to be on this side of it now, with the life long friends I made watching our children love it as much as we did.
All of that being said 100 kids and a Logan is a frightening proposition for any mother of an ASD kid or any ASD kid. Who is going to watch him, who will be his filter? Will he stand alone and not participate, will he alienate himself from the crowd or worse yet will he be alienated. I am blessed that his two cousins attend the same church and are there with him. One is a mother hen who can see trouble and head it off at the pass and the other is so awesome with Logan in the midst of a melt down. I mean really I could not be more blessed to have these two be there with him. But what happens when Logan, in an attempt to "play along" is given free will to do so. It's not good, it's almost tragic, maybe more so for me than him but it is tragic.
The long and short of it is he pied his cousins for his "talent" at their talent show. He named his act "revenge". I was told by others that people laughed, he says it was funny, but I was just a little beyond shocked. It's a mix of feelings really. I am stunned that he would do that, under that title, I am stunned that he did that to his cousins, I am shocked that my 16 year niece who does not let anyone touch her hair, and who had to be lifted and forced on to the stage to do it was not angry, mortified, I dunno fill in the 16 year old hormonal emotion....
He asked me if I was mad and I couldn't really say yes or no. I had to explain to him why I thought it was in bad taste. That is when it gets tragic, Logan does not "get" that what he finds funny can hurt someone else's feelings. He never wants nor intends to cause anyone emotional pain because he knows all to well what it feels like. Logan has a huge heart and only wants to be loved and to love, he doesn't do hurt, he cannot process that. So when I told him my feelings on it he was devastated, a full blown melt down of epic 1 pm to 9 pm proportions of emotional meltdown. I just wanted him to see how it could affect someone and understand that maybe picking the two people who do nothing but help him out maybe weren't the two best people to choose. This whole thing is just tragic I feel bad for him I feel bad for my niece not so much for my nephew he is after all a 12 year old boy who reveled in it I am sure. I think maybe I am over reacting, I think maybe this is not his fault, I just don't really know where I stand on it. He cannot tell me why he just wanted to do it. So did he pick his cousins because he felt the most comfortable with them....probably. Was it funny to outsiders, probably, then why am I so conflicted by this? Did I do the right thing by telling him why maybe it wasn't such a good idea to pie a girl?? I think so
Parenting Logan is so emotional, so much more so than dealing with the twins. With the girls it is... no, this is wrong, this is why, this is what you should do next time, and life goes on. But with Logan there is so much more involved everything is an onion, thin, translucent layers, that must be pealed back and each examined closely before moving on to the next until you reach the center, everything, absolutely everything has to be dealt with like this. I guess maybe today I am tired of it and I know he is tired of it, and if I could l just wave a magic wand and make him see socially what we see, would it be better? Would he still be the Logan that I love and adore or would he be hardened and jaded because he sees the way we do?
I don't know the answer to any of that, I know I owe my niece a shopping trip, maybe lunch and a movie. But, you know what she is so great that he apologized for it and she gave him a hug and said its OK.... She still rocks!
Monday, September 16, 2013
Amazingly Zoë
Mostly I blog about Logan and how life is so different with him. But, I was thinking just the other day about how life is different with all of my kids and for all of my kids. The twins are so different it is hard for people to see they are sisters let alone twins. One is tall, lanky, sports centered, tom-boy, with dark hair and eyes. The other is shorter, stockier, totally girlie girl, pink, sequins, nose in books, overly dramatic all DRAMA fair haired, brown eyed princess.To look at them their only similarities are they have the same shoe size and they are both girls. They sound different, respond differently to the same situations, the really are "the twins that are not" (to coin a phrase from their Pop, my dad)
This past week Zoe has started Softball and was invited to join a private league basketball team. How did that happen??? I'm not sure but knowing her, she is probably making her own scouting phone calls....seriously. Well. not seriously, but seriously!! LOL I told her we could do both but that 2 things will always come before sports. First off your school work has to be completed and you have to keep up your grades, and second (not necessarily in this order) Church. If you have a game or an impromptu practice on Sunday, forget it, they will live without you. She agreed, mostly because she just wants to play I am sure.
Then she comes home with, " I want to join the Art Club." Did I mention she is crazy talented as an artist too? She gets that from my grandfather, great artist, he actually made a very good living off it. OK Zoe when is it? Tuesday at 3:40....mmmm no, sorry, you chose Softball. Holy Moly tantrum she somehow believes that she has special powers and can be doing her homework at home prior to Tuesday night Softball practice AND in Art club. She gets it now, only after my face fell off mid fit and she helped me put it back on. One thing that I am proud I can do is my point across to the kids how they act affects my reaction. :) I am sure I come off as a tyrant sometimes, but mostly, satirical, and well just weird. They enjoy my weirdness.....for now..... at some point, I am certain, my weirdness will... in their words...."destroy my whole life!"
My Zoë I fear is my brothers child but, God blessed her with me as her mom in stead. I call my brother in sheer panic about basketball and softball and his response is...of course she did. I was stunned I was hoping for some whisp of big brother sports start wisdom and I get "of course she did" What the grrrrrr??? Well, so what do I do??? His response is of course grandiose in nature again with.." you drive her!" My forehead just bounced off the steering wheel... whaaaaat? This coming from the child who played baseball, football, and was in band while my parents toted his hiney around, "drive her" After I hung up and had sufficient time to be appalled, I realized he's right, all I have to do IS drive her! Be there for her, my time is gone, it's her time now. My duty as a parent is to get her to her practices and games and "drive her". I will love her, support her, cheer her on, fill her water bottles, wash her uniforms and "drive her." What better advice could he have given me? Tell me to suck it up and give my life over to sports lords? It was the perfect thing to say, of course it Mark has always been "perfect" at least that's been the game for 40 years :)
My amazing Zoë is flying through life so fast she misses the smell of the roses. She cannot wait to be in middle school so she can do track, volleyball, basketball, AND softball, that she cannot stand it. But, one thing I have learned from my mom (gosh I miss her) and now my brother is....just "drive her." While you are driving you teach the art of being centered around God and church and family. Because in the end with out those things in your life, who or what will "drive her"?
This past week Zoe has started Softball and was invited to join a private league basketball team. How did that happen??? I'm not sure but knowing her, she is probably making her own scouting phone calls....seriously. Well. not seriously, but seriously!! LOL I told her we could do both but that 2 things will always come before sports. First off your school work has to be completed and you have to keep up your grades, and second (not necessarily in this order) Church. If you have a game or an impromptu practice on Sunday, forget it, they will live without you. She agreed, mostly because she just wants to play I am sure.
Then she comes home with, " I want to join the Art Club." Did I mention she is crazy talented as an artist too? She gets that from my grandfather, great artist, he actually made a very good living off it. OK Zoe when is it? Tuesday at 3:40....mmmm no, sorry, you chose Softball. Holy Moly tantrum she somehow believes that she has special powers and can be doing her homework at home prior to Tuesday night Softball practice AND in Art club. She gets it now, only after my face fell off mid fit and she helped me put it back on. One thing that I am proud I can do is my point across to the kids how they act affects my reaction. :) I am sure I come off as a tyrant sometimes, but mostly, satirical, and well just weird. They enjoy my weirdness.....for now..... at some point, I am certain, my weirdness will... in their words...."destroy my whole life!"
My Zoë I fear is my brothers child but, God blessed her with me as her mom in stead. I call my brother in sheer panic about basketball and softball and his response is...of course she did. I was stunned I was hoping for some whisp of big brother sports start wisdom and I get "of course she did" What the grrrrrr??? Well, so what do I do??? His response is of course grandiose in nature again with.." you drive her!" My forehead just bounced off the steering wheel... whaaaaat? This coming from the child who played baseball, football, and was in band while my parents toted his hiney around, "drive her" After I hung up and had sufficient time to be appalled, I realized he's right, all I have to do IS drive her! Be there for her, my time is gone, it's her time now. My duty as a parent is to get her to her practices and games and "drive her". I will love her, support her, cheer her on, fill her water bottles, wash her uniforms and "drive her." What better advice could he have given me? Tell me to suck it up and give my life over to sports lords? It was the perfect thing to say, of course it Mark has always been "perfect" at least that's been the game for 40 years :)
My amazing Zoë is flying through life so fast she misses the smell of the roses. She cannot wait to be in middle school so she can do track, volleyball, basketball, AND softball, that she cannot stand it. But, one thing I have learned from my mom (gosh I miss her) and now my brother is....just "drive her." While you are driving you teach the art of being centered around God and church and family. Because in the end with out those things in your life, who or what will "drive her"?
Thursday, August 29, 2013
The no good, terrible, horrible, Middle School Meltdown
Well, it finally happened and I cannot say that I am surprised. The huge Middle School Meltdown.....
Last year in Elementary school Logan was graduated from Special Ed math to regular math on his IEP. It was fantastic, he was so proud ( as he should be) and loved getting to stay in class with everyone else. On we go to Middle School, I honestly thought the first day of school Logan would crack and meltdown. But, he didn't short of playing with water to calm himself down, (running water, it's his go to thing) he did great. Logan did not loose it when classes changed or when teachers changed he was OK. I think it might have been because we talked about this all summer long but whatever the reason he survived YAY!!
Move on to day two; we are doing homework and I ask him who his math teachers is and I look it up and it's a SpEd teacher. Grrr, no no he needs to be in regular math, not SpEd. So I innocently tap out a nice letter to his Advisor please look into this I am pretty sure he needs to be in regular not SpEd, please advise. Nothing pushy not rude, I thought maybe the summer made my brain mush and made it all up. While at work I get a call from his school, on of those canned mass message deals, it says not to expect immediate schedule changes they are working on doing as many as possible it might take a week and so on. I'm like great I can prepare Logan for it... one day next week they are going to change your schedule.
Oh NO NO NO NO apparently my e mails are golden and special and get turn around 12 hour service o_O
I got the bus route changed for middle and elementary by writing an e mail.... but that is a story for a different day. Mind you other parents would KILL I mean literally KILL for 12 hour schedule changes (you've seen the news, moms in TX go whack on crack over stuff like this :) Not me, I would love the week to prepare, why are we so special? Geesh! They change the kids schedule while he is in first period, meet him out side of his class room walk him to his new second period hand him a new schedule and pat him on his head and leave. This is about where it started.... now he is in band second period. Not too bad it's Clarinets and he plays Sax still would wind...were good, a little unsettling but good. 3rd period, A lunch, 4th period, and then it happens. He walks into a brand new math class knows, no one, the kids are handing in their homework of which he has none, the teacher passes out text books and tries to throw in a lesson all in rapid fire succession. Logan looses it, gets up crying goes to his advisers office says he is NOT going back and proceeds to melt down.
The adviser tries to reason with him, I give her an "A" for effort but there is NO reasoning with a kid in full tilt meltdown. We have all been there, you have to talk them off their ledge (that's what I call it) it takes a very long time. So in an effort to get the kid into his 6th period class she offers him an out, she says give it 2 weeks and if you don't like it you can go back. WTF!!! noooooooooooo there are no outs lady, he has to do this, he CAN do this, don't tell him if you still do bad in 2 weeks you can go back. Guess what he does, he will do bad for 2 weeks and then want to go back. She failed big fat "F"
Nope not in my house. My mother raised by a woman who, in the 20's, survived polio and graduated from UT with a degree in education, taught my mother who was dyslexic and graduated from TCU in 3 years in the 50's, that just because you have something wrong with you, gives you in no way shape or form the card to not succeed. In all aspects of life. Logan is not allowed to use the "but, I'm autistic" card to not succeed. Logan makes straight A's, the only class Logan is still in SpEd for is English. He is 100% smart enough and able to make it, in regular classes. But, if you just throw him in there with no notice he will fail, Logan hates to fail.
His, adviser e mails me, she doesn't even call me??!! e mails me that all of this went down but that she checked on him and he seems to be doing fine. RIIIIGHHHHTTTT!!! That's why he calls me at work crying inconsolably telling me what happened? No he is NOT, OK. Not, right now the kid had a full tilt meltdown at school infornt of kids and ran down the hallways screaming and crying in your office and you tell me he is OK (big fat FAIL again). I try to defuse him over the phone again this is like throwing wet sponges at a fire...it's not helping. I tell him to go play the Wii till we get home.
So one long hour later we are home, he is still crying, he is still in his room. My heart is breaking, I call him down and we make ravioli (Italian is his favorite) and while we are cooking dad and I double team the meltdown. Oh did I mention I have also started my wine bottle :) he says that basic math is easy, and the regular teacher is too fast, and he hates, it and he will never catch up and on and on. I simply and quietly tell him that he cannot go back to basic math, that would be like going back to elementary school it's just not possible, and that his best bud has the same math teacher the hour before. the diffusion is slowly working. We are cooking and talking and I am drinking up to 2 glasses at this point and we are crying and hugging. By the time the sauce is ready to just simmer for a bit, and the ravioli are made, we have made out way to the dinning room table and we are working on MATH homework. AND he is doing it on his own with little to no intervention from myself or dad. I give myself and dad and A+ and Logan well there is no possible way to score that high.
All in all we will learn from this and move on. I think we might have come out of this one a little bit better than when we went it. At the end of the night I got the mail and Logan had a hand written letter in it from a sweet lady at church who saw him get Baptized. It simply said that she was proud of him and couldn't wait to see what he did with this gift God gave him. He beamed and said "MOM she's proud of me and I didn't know her until Sunday!" That right there was the absolute greatest possible way to end that day. God blesses us and shows His grace in the most amazing ways, it's good to be loved like that and to see the His love in others shared like that too.
He went to school today happy and focused on succeeding, and doing this thing the Logan way, and that is ALL I can expect. Everyday he amazes me, everyday he makes me proud, Everyday I am blessed to be his mom.
Last year in Elementary school Logan was graduated from Special Ed math to regular math on his IEP. It was fantastic, he was so proud ( as he should be) and loved getting to stay in class with everyone else. On we go to Middle School, I honestly thought the first day of school Logan would crack and meltdown. But, he didn't short of playing with water to calm himself down, (running water, it's his go to thing) he did great. Logan did not loose it when classes changed or when teachers changed he was OK. I think it might have been because we talked about this all summer long but whatever the reason he survived YAY!!
Move on to day two; we are doing homework and I ask him who his math teachers is and I look it up and it's a SpEd teacher. Grrr, no no he needs to be in regular math, not SpEd. So I innocently tap out a nice letter to his Advisor please look into this I am pretty sure he needs to be in regular not SpEd, please advise. Nothing pushy not rude, I thought maybe the summer made my brain mush and made it all up. While at work I get a call from his school, on of those canned mass message deals, it says not to expect immediate schedule changes they are working on doing as many as possible it might take a week and so on. I'm like great I can prepare Logan for it... one day next week they are going to change your schedule.
Oh NO NO NO NO apparently my e mails are golden and special and get turn around 12 hour service o_O
I got the bus route changed for middle and elementary by writing an e mail.... but that is a story for a different day. Mind you other parents would KILL I mean literally KILL for 12 hour schedule changes (you've seen the news, moms in TX go whack on crack over stuff like this :) Not me, I would love the week to prepare, why are we so special? Geesh! They change the kids schedule while he is in first period, meet him out side of his class room walk him to his new second period hand him a new schedule and pat him on his head and leave. This is about where it started.... now he is in band second period. Not too bad it's Clarinets and he plays Sax still would wind...were good, a little unsettling but good. 3rd period, A lunch, 4th period, and then it happens. He walks into a brand new math class knows, no one, the kids are handing in their homework of which he has none, the teacher passes out text books and tries to throw in a lesson all in rapid fire succession. Logan looses it, gets up crying goes to his advisers office says he is NOT going back and proceeds to melt down.
The adviser tries to reason with him, I give her an "A" for effort but there is NO reasoning with a kid in full tilt meltdown. We have all been there, you have to talk them off their ledge (that's what I call it) it takes a very long time. So in an effort to get the kid into his 6th period class she offers him an out, she says give it 2 weeks and if you don't like it you can go back. WTF!!! noooooooooooo there are no outs lady, he has to do this, he CAN do this, don't tell him if you still do bad in 2 weeks you can go back. Guess what he does, he will do bad for 2 weeks and then want to go back. She failed big fat "F"
Nope not in my house. My mother raised by a woman who, in the 20's, survived polio and graduated from UT with a degree in education, taught my mother who was dyslexic and graduated from TCU in 3 years in the 50's, that just because you have something wrong with you, gives you in no way shape or form the card to not succeed. In all aspects of life. Logan is not allowed to use the "but, I'm autistic" card to not succeed. Logan makes straight A's, the only class Logan is still in SpEd for is English. He is 100% smart enough and able to make it, in regular classes. But, if you just throw him in there with no notice he will fail, Logan hates to fail.
His, adviser e mails me, she doesn't even call me??!! e mails me that all of this went down but that she checked on him and he seems to be doing fine. RIIIIGHHHHTTTT!!! That's why he calls me at work crying inconsolably telling me what happened? No he is NOT, OK. Not, right now the kid had a full tilt meltdown at school infornt of kids and ran down the hallways screaming and crying in your office and you tell me he is OK (big fat FAIL again). I try to defuse him over the phone again this is like throwing wet sponges at a fire...it's not helping. I tell him to go play the Wii till we get home.
So one long hour later we are home, he is still crying, he is still in his room. My heart is breaking, I call him down and we make ravioli (Italian is his favorite) and while we are cooking dad and I double team the meltdown. Oh did I mention I have also started my wine bottle :) he says that basic math is easy, and the regular teacher is too fast, and he hates, it and he will never catch up and on and on. I simply and quietly tell him that he cannot go back to basic math, that would be like going back to elementary school it's just not possible, and that his best bud has the same math teacher the hour before. the diffusion is slowly working. We are cooking and talking and I am drinking up to 2 glasses at this point and we are crying and hugging. By the time the sauce is ready to just simmer for a bit, and the ravioli are made, we have made out way to the dinning room table and we are working on MATH homework. AND he is doing it on his own with little to no intervention from myself or dad. I give myself and dad and A+ and Logan well there is no possible way to score that high.
All in all we will learn from this and move on. I think we might have come out of this one a little bit better than when we went it. At the end of the night I got the mail and Logan had a hand written letter in it from a sweet lady at church who saw him get Baptized. It simply said that she was proud of him and couldn't wait to see what he did with this gift God gave him. He beamed and said "MOM she's proud of me and I didn't know her until Sunday!" That right there was the absolute greatest possible way to end that day. God blesses us and shows His grace in the most amazing ways, it's good to be loved like that and to see the His love in others shared like that too.
He went to school today happy and focused on succeeding, and doing this thing the Logan way, and that is ALL I can expect. Everyday he amazes me, everyday he makes me proud, Everyday I am blessed to be his mom.
Thursday, August 22, 2013
Labels what are they really all about?
Some people are really NOT going to like this......All of these labels that people are throwing around really got me thinking the other day. Why do we have them, who makes us use them? Have we all become so insecure that the only way to fit in is to have a label? What happened to being a person?
It has just recently been a topic of my daily conversations when my "regular" children were referred to as Neurotypical. I'm not certain but, I am pretty sure I crossed my eye when I heard that. NO, it's not the first time I heard it, with Drs. and my son the words he is not neurotypical are said with some regularity. It took me by surprise that we have now put labels on people who ARE the round peg in the round hole. I guess my whole concern is first and for most all of us are human beings, we all deserve to be treated the same. I know we are not, I know we have to fight for our kids, don't attack me for that. But, why label where labels don't need to be. Not everyone is, or needs to be, in a group heading under a label. My word, look at how many different terms and levels their are for Autism (ASD, on the spectrum, high functioning, nonverbal severe, ASD with PDA, ADHD ,and OCD etc.) I seriously could fill a paragraph with acronyms and new terminology. Will you only speak to me if I fit in your label? Can my kid not play with yours because he is not under your label? In the medical community and with the diagnosis the labels and acronyms help stream line research and medical protocol. To me outside of schools and Drs. offices it should be left up to my discretion to label or not label him. Why are so many parents using labels out of the medical or educational realm? (educational is for schools and social groups on line or other wise, as I feel that we are educating others)
My son is my son he's different, you can see that fairly easily. My daughters are my daughters they blend in I guess you could say. Isn't enough that we get excluded and pointed out for, hair, make-up, clothes, speech, do we really need to go one more step and walk around with big glowing A's hovering over us. I mean its pretty dang obvious we do not fit the mold. We as parents are not as "put together" (unless you are a Rainbows and Unicorn mom)as others, we are strung out, worn out, one more lecture on how "technically it's not the end of summer mom" and we might snap. But what we all want is acceptance and understanding and a little grace. I assume I am different because labels don't make me feel special, it is not a badge of honor I ever wanted. Love me and my kid because we are human. We are just like you, we have the same struggles you do. It's just that our kids stay around longer in the troubles you had at 2,3,4 & 5. It's the same, you can remember, if you let yourself. If I feel the need to let you know my child's medical needs, I will let you know.
Perhaps I live in a fairly tail land but to me there is no difference in what I do than in what any parent does. We struggle, we fight, we love, we enjoy, we get knocked down and get right back up again. Just as I feel that people do not need to walk around introducing themselves as "Hi, I'm Tom I'm gay and have a husband with 2 normal kids" to find acceptance nor do I feel the need to say "Hi, I'm Karen, I'm straight have a husband and 3 kids one is autistic and 2 are not" to find acceptance. My label rant is for everyone who is so concerned about "stepping on toes" and hurting feelings that we have become so damn "politically correct" we are going BACKWARDS in society. WE are segregating ourselves. WE made the labels, We are the ones who say if you don't have this label you don't belong. If we all stopped trying to "fit in" and accept people for just being a human being then maybe just maybe we wouldn't need to be so PC all the time. Maybe you could love and respect someone with any type of difference. Maybe there would be less judgement and more conversations. I realize ignorance is out there and it always will be. But, I have to figure there are more of "us" than there are of "them" otherwise the world would not be as advanced.
Beyond religion, and bibles, and living the golden rule. Treat someone as human they deserve as much grace as you do. Our differences don't make us different. They make us unique. That is why no mater how hard you try to package us into labels will we all every fit. Because we are all unique and is my rainbow.
It has just recently been a topic of my daily conversations when my "regular" children were referred to as Neurotypical. I'm not certain but, I am pretty sure I crossed my eye when I heard that. NO, it's not the first time I heard it, with Drs. and my son the words he is not neurotypical are said with some regularity. It took me by surprise that we have now put labels on people who ARE the round peg in the round hole. I guess my whole concern is first and for most all of us are human beings, we all deserve to be treated the same. I know we are not, I know we have to fight for our kids, don't attack me for that. But, why label where labels don't need to be. Not everyone is, or needs to be, in a group heading under a label. My word, look at how many different terms and levels their are for Autism (ASD, on the spectrum, high functioning, nonverbal severe, ASD with PDA, ADHD ,and OCD etc.) I seriously could fill a paragraph with acronyms and new terminology. Will you only speak to me if I fit in your label? Can my kid not play with yours because he is not under your label? In the medical community and with the diagnosis the labels and acronyms help stream line research and medical protocol. To me outside of schools and Drs. offices it should be left up to my discretion to label or not label him. Why are so many parents using labels out of the medical or educational realm? (educational is for schools and social groups on line or other wise, as I feel that we are educating others)
My son is my son he's different, you can see that fairly easily. My daughters are my daughters they blend in I guess you could say. Isn't enough that we get excluded and pointed out for, hair, make-up, clothes, speech, do we really need to go one more step and walk around with big glowing A's hovering over us. I mean its pretty dang obvious we do not fit the mold. We as parents are not as "put together" (unless you are a Rainbows and Unicorn mom)as others, we are strung out, worn out, one more lecture on how "technically it's not the end of summer mom" and we might snap. But what we all want is acceptance and understanding and a little grace. I assume I am different because labels don't make me feel special, it is not a badge of honor I ever wanted. Love me and my kid because we are human. We are just like you, we have the same struggles you do. It's just that our kids stay around longer in the troubles you had at 2,3,4 & 5. It's the same, you can remember, if you let yourself. If I feel the need to let you know my child's medical needs, I will let you know.
Perhaps I live in a fairly tail land but to me there is no difference in what I do than in what any parent does. We struggle, we fight, we love, we enjoy, we get knocked down and get right back up again. Just as I feel that people do not need to walk around introducing themselves as "Hi, I'm Tom I'm gay and have a husband with 2 normal kids" to find acceptance nor do I feel the need to say "Hi, I'm Karen, I'm straight have a husband and 3 kids one is autistic and 2 are not" to find acceptance. My label rant is for everyone who is so concerned about "stepping on toes" and hurting feelings that we have become so damn "politically correct" we are going BACKWARDS in society. WE are segregating ourselves. WE made the labels, We are the ones who say if you don't have this label you don't belong. If we all stopped trying to "fit in" and accept people for just being a human being then maybe just maybe we wouldn't need to be so PC all the time. Maybe you could love and respect someone with any type of difference. Maybe there would be less judgement and more conversations. I realize ignorance is out there and it always will be. But, I have to figure there are more of "us" than there are of "them" otherwise the world would not be as advanced.
Beyond religion, and bibles, and living the golden rule. Treat someone as human they deserve as much grace as you do. Our differences don't make us different. They make us unique. That is why no mater how hard you try to package us into labels will we all every fit. Because we are all unique and is my rainbow.
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
Hair Cuts, good friends, and no coffee!!
If you are friends with me on Facebook you know I took Logan to get his hair cut on Sunday. You also know it took an hour! It's not like the kid was Rapunzel, or like he had a design carved into his head. Nope just a simple (or so I thought) 2 on the side fade to a scissored top long enough to comb over. OK so he picked up a book and wanted 52 hairstyles and 15 minutes later I told the sweet girl look just do this (what I said above) and I promise you he will love it. He didn't fight it (after he was in the chair). 15 minutes in she calls me over, "Mom, can you come here please?" Oh crap! What?? I was watching... nothing happened...uggghh. No, it wasn't him, she scalped him, in two spots on his head...."I'm so sorry, I've never done that before" no biggie I'm easy just even it up and call it good. SO....from a 2 we get a 1 and I go sit down again and wait, and wait. another 10 minutes go by. My gosh what in the world is taking so long... OMG another stylist is working on him. The poor girl cannot cut hair, Logan is a statue by this point he is no longer making facial expressions in the mirror, I am feeling the melt down coming on. The Second stylists whips right through it calls me over.. yes, good? Good! And then the first stylist hands the boy a mirror??? and it crashes to the ground, covered in shards of glass (as she runs to get a broom) he looks up and me with a sheepish grin...the boy did it on purpose!! LOL Sooo maybe he is his mothers child after all, I wanted to high-five him right there in the salon. but instead we pay, get a dum dum and giggle all the way out :)
This leads me to good friends, I have a life long friend who cuts hair. Ya I know, take the kid to her SHUSH!! Anyway both her daughter and Logan along with my nephew are starting 6th grade this year. They all got promoted this Sunday at church. We cried, her only, my oldest, and my brothers youngest. First off I am too young to have a kid this old... so is my friend. My brother ehh he's old its OK :) We end up crying in church and laughing we KNEW one of the women around us, who use to be OUR camp counselors and or youth minister were going to crack us in the head for acting up. But, 1 - how wonderful is it that I have a childhood friend that I grew up with that I can experience all this with and 2 - Everyone loves Logan and he feels accepted and loved and that is HUGE. Do you know he will actually attempt socialization here? It blows my mind it really, really does. 3 - that its in the same (home) we grew up in. Life is so much nicer when you have people that get you. I mean really GET you. They know when you need a hug, a prayer, a shoulder, a sounding board, or when need to cut up, and not only do they let you, they stand by you and join IN. I realized this Sunday, were good, I'm good, God is good (kinda knew that one already) but it is nice to get the reassurance that they will always be there for us, and we are never alone.
So then we go to no coffee, yes no coffee I wake up at 5:30AM ( I NEVER DO THAT) to get showered and dressed to go to the store at 6 when they open...to get COFFEE. OK so it's my fault, I get that. But when you live relatively in E.I.E.I.O. there is NO 7-11 or Circle K to go get Coffee from you have to wait till the Kroger opens and run in while they are still turning on the lights :) Coffee is a must, a staple, just as much water is, i mean its mostly water anyway right.:) It is also essential to the well being of my family and my marriage. Mostly it's been a good start to the week. Minus the iphone hacker (another blog, another day). Happy Tuesday everyone, cheers and God bless coffee and good friends!
This leads me to good friends, I have a life long friend who cuts hair. Ya I know, take the kid to her SHUSH!! Anyway both her daughter and Logan along with my nephew are starting 6th grade this year. They all got promoted this Sunday at church. We cried, her only, my oldest, and my brothers youngest. First off I am too young to have a kid this old... so is my friend. My brother ehh he's old its OK :) We end up crying in church and laughing we KNEW one of the women around us, who use to be OUR camp counselors and or youth minister were going to crack us in the head for acting up. But, 1 - how wonderful is it that I have a childhood friend that I grew up with that I can experience all this with and 2 - Everyone loves Logan and he feels accepted and loved and that is HUGE. Do you know he will actually attempt socialization here? It blows my mind it really, really does. 3 - that its in the same (home) we grew up in. Life is so much nicer when you have people that get you. I mean really GET you. They know when you need a hug, a prayer, a shoulder, a sounding board, or when need to cut up, and not only do they let you, they stand by you and join IN. I realized this Sunday, were good, I'm good, God is good (kinda knew that one already) but it is nice to get the reassurance that they will always be there for us, and we are never alone.
So then we go to no coffee, yes no coffee I wake up at 5:30AM ( I NEVER DO THAT) to get showered and dressed to go to the store at 6 when they open...to get COFFEE. OK so it's my fault, I get that. But when you live relatively in E.I.E.I.O. there is NO 7-11 or Circle K to go get Coffee from you have to wait till the Kroger opens and run in while they are still turning on the lights :) Coffee is a must, a staple, just as much water is, i mean its mostly water anyway right.:) It is also essential to the well being of my family and my marriage. Mostly it's been a good start to the week. Minus the iphone hacker (another blog, another day). Happy Tuesday everyone, cheers and God bless coffee and good friends!
Thursday, August 15, 2013
The Next BIG Step...finding our rainbow
The next step in our lives is for the boy to go off to Middle School and start 6th grade. He is terrified and so am I. Of course he does not know that I am just as scared as he is. I have already met with his SpEd teacher and she has met the boy, which is great because now I don't have to explain him to her. So that is one angst off my list. Mind you the boys' list is totally different from mine.
Mine is..... without a younger group of kids to play with where will he gravitate too, will he be alone? Will his friends still be his friends? Will they have the same lunch or will he sit alone? Will the older kids pick on him because he is the size of a freshman in HS in the 6th grade, will he be bullied, can he handle the social dynamics of MS?
His concerns are, is my locker close enough to my classes, will I have a crummy bottom locker? Is my saxophone really at the school already? what kind of science will I get to take?
I have to remind myself that the boy does OK, it's not my level of comfort but he does OK. My angst is not his. I (we) have never treated the boy differently, we just handle him differently. Meaning just because he is has a label doesn't in any way shape or form give him permission to act out, perform lower than he is capable, or in any way is it to be used as a crutch. That being said, I speak to him differently, I know he will not "look me in the eyes when I am talking" to him. I cannot yell at him because he dissolves, a stern "do you understand me" is enough to have it in stone. I give him more one on one and side to side time than I do the girls. He needs that, he looks for it. The girls get it too, don't get me wrong, just for shorter amounts of time and way different activities.
I recently have let my self venture into the world of ASD mommies and Autism groups and blogs. I was tired of feeling like I wasn't a good enough mom because I didn't shit glitter and my world was not rainbows and unicorns. In these groups I have found real parents, moms, dads, aunts, uncles, grandparents that experience life everyday like I do. I don't know if I didn't venture out to them before because 'the boy really isn't that bad" so I thought I would not relate or if I yearned for normal. My normal is not normal, not in any since of the word is it normal, it is however AUsome, and now I see my world in a whole new lite.
The boy will be fine, will we fall? YA! Will we cuss and cry and meltdown? That's a given. But, it's OK because that is who we are, we fight for what we have to and the rest we carve out, on our own winding road. It might be longer, darker, and be far more up hill, but, it is ours and we like it that way. Do I wish it was not so rough?... sure, who doesn't? Who wants their kid to struggle, who wants to see heart break? No one. This next BIG step is HUGE but just like everything else we will find our way. It might not be straight up and over but we will get there and we will look back through our storms and find our rainbow, through the dark clouds and rain we will see it right before the next step. We might not have rainbows and unicorns all the time, but when we do they are bigger and brighter and mean more to us, because we earned it.
Mine is..... without a younger group of kids to play with where will he gravitate too, will he be alone? Will his friends still be his friends? Will they have the same lunch or will he sit alone? Will the older kids pick on him because he is the size of a freshman in HS in the 6th grade, will he be bullied, can he handle the social dynamics of MS?
His concerns are, is my locker close enough to my classes, will I have a crummy bottom locker? Is my saxophone really at the school already? what kind of science will I get to take?
I have to remind myself that the boy does OK, it's not my level of comfort but he does OK. My angst is not his. I (we) have never treated the boy differently, we just handle him differently. Meaning just because he is has a label doesn't in any way shape or form give him permission to act out, perform lower than he is capable, or in any way is it to be used as a crutch. That being said, I speak to him differently, I know he will not "look me in the eyes when I am talking" to him. I cannot yell at him because he dissolves, a stern "do you understand me" is enough to have it in stone. I give him more one on one and side to side time than I do the girls. He needs that, he looks for it. The girls get it too, don't get me wrong, just for shorter amounts of time and way different activities.
I recently have let my self venture into the world of ASD mommies and Autism groups and blogs. I was tired of feeling like I wasn't a good enough mom because I didn't shit glitter and my world was not rainbows and unicorns. In these groups I have found real parents, moms, dads, aunts, uncles, grandparents that experience life everyday like I do. I don't know if I didn't venture out to them before because 'the boy really isn't that bad" so I thought I would not relate or if I yearned for normal. My normal is not normal, not in any since of the word is it normal, it is however AUsome, and now I see my world in a whole new lite.
The boy will be fine, will we fall? YA! Will we cuss and cry and meltdown? That's a given. But, it's OK because that is who we are, we fight for what we have to and the rest we carve out, on our own winding road. It might be longer, darker, and be far more up hill, but, it is ours and we like it that way. Do I wish it was not so rough?... sure, who doesn't? Who wants their kid to struggle, who wants to see heart break? No one. This next BIG step is HUGE but just like everything else we will find our way. It might not be straight up and over but we will get there and we will look back through our storms and find our rainbow, through the dark clouds and rain we will see it right before the next step. We might not have rainbows and unicorns all the time, but when we do they are bigger and brighter and mean more to us, because we earned it.
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