As many of you know that know me and my family personally letting Logan go away on church retreats has been a huge concern of mine. I mean after all they don't know him, they couldn't possibly "get" him. But last year I let him go. I let him go to all of them, the over nighters, the week long get aways, lock-ins...all of it. He did seemingly fairly well. he enjoyed himself and for the most part it was all OK. One or two minor instances of a melt down and calling it quits but he was OK, I was OK.
So fast forward to this school year and he is now in the youth group, which is a fabulous community of boys and girls and the most amazing group of young adults and teachers I have ever seen assembled in one place. They all go everywhere together and do all of the retreats and outings together. So instead of 15 or 30 kids at kids camp its over 100 kids for a fall weekend retreat. It's great the programs they have really inspire our young people to live for God and be better human beings. It is amazing to see them all inter act and how well they all function as a group. Growing up in the church we did all of these things too but it really is amazing to be on this side of it now, with the life long friends I made watching our children love it as much as we did.
All of that being said 100 kids and a Logan is a frightening proposition for any mother of an ASD kid or any ASD kid. Who is going to watch him, who will be his filter? Will he stand alone and not participate, will he alienate himself from the crowd or worse yet will he be alienated. I am blessed that his two cousins attend the same church and are there with him. One is a mother hen who can see trouble and head it off at the pass and the other is so awesome with Logan in the midst of a melt down. I mean really I could not be more blessed to have these two be there with him. But what happens when Logan, in an attempt to "play along" is given free will to do so. It's not good, it's almost tragic, maybe more so for me than him but it is tragic.
The long and short of it is he pied his cousins for his "talent" at their talent show. He named his act "revenge". I was told by others that people laughed, he says it was funny, but I was just a little beyond shocked. It's a mix of feelings really. I am stunned that he would do that, under that title, I am stunned that he did that to his cousins, I am shocked that my 16 year niece who does not let anyone touch her hair, and who had to be lifted and forced on to the stage to do it was not angry, mortified, I dunno fill in the 16 year old hormonal emotion....
He asked me if I was mad and I couldn't really say yes or no. I had to explain to him why I thought it was in bad taste. That is when it gets tragic, Logan does not "get" that what he finds funny can hurt someone else's feelings. He never wants nor intends to cause anyone emotional pain because he knows all to well what it feels like. Logan has a huge heart and only wants to be loved and to love, he doesn't do hurt, he cannot process that. So when I told him my feelings on it he was devastated, a full blown melt down of epic 1 pm to 9 pm proportions of emotional meltdown. I just wanted him to see how it could affect someone and understand that maybe picking the two people who do nothing but help him out maybe weren't the two best people to choose. This whole thing is just tragic I feel bad for him I feel bad for my niece not so much for my nephew he is after all a 12 year old boy who reveled in it I am sure. I think maybe I am over reacting, I think maybe this is not his fault, I just don't really know where I stand on it. He cannot tell me why he just wanted to do it. So did he pick his cousins because he felt the most comfortable with them....probably. Was it funny to outsiders, probably, then why am I so conflicted by this? Did I do the right thing by telling him why maybe it wasn't such a good idea to pie a girl?? I think so
Parenting Logan is so emotional, so much more so than dealing with the twins. With the girls it is... no, this is wrong, this is why, this is what you should do next time, and life goes on. But with Logan there is so much more involved everything is an onion, thin, translucent layers, that must be pealed back and each examined closely before moving on to the next until you reach the center, everything, absolutely everything has to be dealt with like this. I guess maybe today I am tired of it and I know he is tired of it, and if I could l just wave a magic wand and make him see socially what we see, would it be better? Would he still be the Logan that I love and adore or would he be hardened and jaded because he sees the way we do?
I don't know the answer to any of that, I know I owe my niece a shopping trip, maybe lunch and a movie. But, you know what she is so great that he apologized for it and she gave him a hug and said its OK.... She still rocks!
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